Jon and I have always been musical people. Between us we play and have played violin, piano, ukulele, guitar and drums. As we grew up we separately went from cassette tapes to boomboxes and portable CD players with headphones attached to our ears. We moved through the evolution of the iPod from Limewire (oops) to Spotify and Apple Music. Music has gotten both of us through the angsty pre-teen years, our long distance relationship, and all the highs and lows of our lives.

So many of my memories are tied to music and the life and loss of our daughter is filled with musical memories. My absolute favorite memory is dancing around the kitchen with Jon while having sweet Isla tucked safely inside me. Below I have compiled a list of 7 of my most played songs since we learned of Isla’s diagnosis. These songs have slowly formed into a playlist on my phone called “Mama Strong”. I find myself clicking on this playlist when I’m sad, when I’m happy, when grief hits me hard on the way to work, or when I just want to feel. I hope you can find a little something in these songs too.

1 —“Winter Bear” by Coby Grant

Shortly after we learned of Isla’s diagnosis I came across two songs written by a singer who was asked to write this first song for a family who lost a son to stillbirth. These two songs absolutely get me every time and will always remind me of the peace I found when hearing someone sing my innermost thoughts and feelings in the darkest days of my life. From her diagnosis to her birth to every day since these songs truly capture my feelings.

2 —“Here for You” by Coby Grant

The second song is the song I want every single newly diagnosed or newly bereaved mama to hear and truly feel. It brings tears to my eyes every single time. If you're figuring out how to support the newly (or not so newly) bereaved in your life, take a listen below.

3 —“Sunflower” by Harry Styles

We must have had a speaker playing or something because the song Sunflower is tied to this amazing memory. It's not really a grief song at all, just a song that my brain has tied to the happy and the sad - thanks Harry!

4 —“Here’s to Us” by Halestorm (explicit)

July of 2020 was spent with both sides of our family as we together sorted out how to move forward. One late evening was slowly turning to early morning while we played darts talked the night away. Jon’s dad took a turn with the Bluetooth speaker and put on yet another song that really hit home. Here’s To Us by Halestorm rang out through the room and really got me in my feels about what Jon and I had been through in the past (at that time) 4 years.

5 —“Stand By You” by Rachel Platten

The August after Isla was born, I headed back to work for the school year. In our new Covid world I was a virtual teacher. When I walked into our first virtual teacher meeting I was greeted with the song Stand By You and proceeded to immediately download it and play it the rest of the week! The lyrics really resonated with my current need for support as I headed back into “real life” while my actual real life was still in shambles.

6 —“Dancing in the Sky” by Dani and Lizzy

I’ll never forget the first few weeks back at work - not because of the crazy Covid world we were adjusting to - but because of the morning commutes filled with tears. Every. Single. Morning. Something about the mornings always got me in the early days. Waking up and feeling the realization of loss wash over me every morning was so intense in those weeks. We had come from a summer of nonstop family support to suddenly being back home alone and back to our usual grind. My heart wasn’t quite ready. I remember the morning I found this song. After listening to it a few mornings in a row the tears lessened a little. I guess this song spoke to what I needed to hear in that part of my grieving.

7 —“Rainbow” by Kacey Musgraves

The last song on my Mama Strong playlist is a song I came across on satellite radio one morning. As Jon and I wrap our minds around the possibility of Isla having siblings we have struggled with the term “rainbow baby”. We don’t ever want to see Isla as a storm we are coming out of. Rainbow by Kacey Musgraves found me at the perfect time. Isla is never the storm, the storm is grief and everything that has come with it.

Some Final Thoughts…

Music has been a great escape in my world these past two years and I know it is the same way for many others. If you’re grieving or just looking for some new music I’ve made a Spotify playlist linked below.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1Zj6yj8D4m6mQGoPo7WUnA?si=d2decf82a7424e1a

I hope that these songs shine a little bit of light on your day today. Know that you’re not alone in these hard times, and it’s okay to “get it out” in any way that you can. Music is such a great escape, but it’s also one of the few forms of art that can put words to feelings that are hard to describe.

If you or somebody you know needs a little reminder of that, please know that you can always reach out to us for support.

All our love,