February

February brings up so many emotions this year...

This time last year, we had just received test results that told us that there may be a problem with Isla. We spent these days last year going to seemingly-endless doctor's appointments, holding on to hope and being optimistic about what Isla's life may be.

It has been an entire year since we learned of Isla’s diagnosis... a year since we left our innocence behind us and set out on what truly ended up being the adventure of a lifetime. Waking up on February 7th, 2020 we had no idea what was heading our way. No idea of the life changes we were about to endure. We are now ever aware that we have no clue what could be lurking around the next corner.

It's crazy to think how hard these emotions flow through us every day. Some days, the feelings are like tidal waves ripping through... Some days, they're just little ripples. The important thing is that we're letting these feelings move through us, because they always will.

We are remembering the hardest days last year, but we are also remembering the beautiful little moments - like when Jon could feel her kick for the very first time! We remember listening to her little heartbeat at every appointment, beaming with joy knowing that she's still holding on.

Although it was so hard for us to dwell in the blissful innocence that would come with a "normal" pregnancy, we look back on the happy times - spending time with our families that came out to support us, hold us, and help restore any semblance of normalcy. We live our current days framing our minds to go back to the silver lining between the darkest days last year.

We're living a life that is so different than what we had imagined before February of last year, but we're so thankful for what Isla has given us. We're so proud to be her parents. We're proud of the impact that she has had on people's lives. We're proud that she has given us a voice and a mission to make a difference. We're proud of her, and we're proud of ourselves.

We are proud of the child that we created and brought into this world - even if she couldn’t stay. We are proud of ourselves for making it through this past year and not letting it completely break us.

The people we were when we went to bed on February 6th, 2020 have changed. The people who sat in the ultrasound room on February 12th, 2020 have changed. We have grown, we have been scarred, we have learned, we have loved, and we have lost.

But we are carrying on. We love Isla more and more, each and every day.

We love our sneaky little baby to pieces.

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